Atheism

The appeal of atheism lies in its explanatory powers and in how it reflects upon my thoughts and feelings. I was not always inclined towards atheism as earlier blog posts can attest to. Rather, I was a very devout theist. I do not begrudge that part of my life or think ill upon it. The explanatory power that theism provided in my life was sufficient to carry me through the proverbial storms of life and in attempting to understand myself. But, like other things in life, I outgrew it and found that its system of explanations could no longer provide sufficient information and therefore turned elsewhere to seek out truth.

I wanted to write this as an attempt to establish the foundational views that I have. See, for me, atheism isn't so much a world view as just a conclusion that I accept on one area of life. Atheism, for me, is not some universal theory that answers everything. Rather, it is a theory that considers only the natural world to exist. So onto the foundational views that I now possess.

First, all that occurs in life is the result of and can be explained by some natural law or phenomenon. The sun rises and falls due to the earth's orbit and the seasons are the result of the earth's revolution around our star. The earth is over several billion years old and this can be determined through isotopic dating. Evolution is an empirically verified theory that can be demonstrated in the lab and is observable in nature. This is the vehicle that can explain the much documented fossils of primitive life.

Second, human actions and reactions are the result of complex interactions that can range from one person to a couple to many to millions to even billions. The existence of morals is the result of evolutionary biological factors, history, geography, social forces, and human thought. The Hammurabi Code can be explained partially by evolutionary biology and can also be explained by the social and historical factors at the time.

Third, while humans have obtained an incredible amount of knowledge about the natural world around us in such a short period of time, we still do not know everything and probably know very little about the world and the universe surrounding us. This is especially clear when time and time again the fields of psychology, political science, and other soft science realms cannot consistently and accurately demonstrate theories with the level of accuracy and consistency that the hard sciences are able to do. In other words, the soft sciences that attempt to explain the phenomenon of humans still do not know or understanding us fully. This inability to explain everything is not something to complain about but to rejoice in! Imagine how dreary the world would be if there was no more knowledge to strive for.

Fourth, I see no evidence to conclude even with reasonable certainty that any of the Gods of Mormonism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Shintoism, Paganism, or of the other religions exist. Further, I do not see any reason to conclude that anything supernatural exists. But, I would like to explain further that I do not state that there is no God or some kind of supernatural force in the universe. I acknowledge that such a possibility, however unlikely, may exist. I see no evidence as of yet to consider such a possibility to be probable or even worth investigating or believing in. It is my own personal opinion, or belief, that, as based on the evidence, there is no such thing as a God or gods. I do not define myself as an Agnostic because I conclude that all things have the potential of being explained by science and philosophy. Therefore, I do not consider God to be beyond the realm of explanation. I consider God to be the invention of the human mind and therefore well within the explanatory powers of the sciences and philosophies of humanity. Definitions of God that place it beyond the capacity of science to explain, seek out, or show empirical evidence for is the equivalent of Russell's Teapot and are unnecessary to interact with, in my opinion.

Fifth, I respect the rights of all people to be able to believe or not believe whatever they wish to believe, or not believe, in. I do not begrudge the willing desire of theists to embrace the notion of the supernatural. I only take issue with the desire of theists to impose their belief system, whatever it is they believe in, upon the whole of the populace. I do not see reason to conclude that religion has the right to impose its own strain of morality upon anyone outside of its belief structure. For example, I do not agree with the LDS Church and its network of friendly faiths that successfully passed Proposition 8 in California in 2008 in imposing their view upon society. Now while I realize that Proposition 8 was a complex issue and the motivations behind it vary from person to person and organization to organization and cannot be diluted down to the point that I have just done, I only meant to explain the situation as perceived by myself: the LDS Church sought to put their beliefs in the sanctity of heterosexual marriage at the expense of homosexual marriage.

Sixth, since removing the theistic notions that assisted in the depression that I experienced last year I see the world around me as beautiful and fully of a vitality that I can barely comprehend. This aestheticism of mine has led me to care more about the natural world around me than I have had in the invisible and unknowable realm of the supernatural.

Questions and Drift

It's raining outside. The weather is nearly cold enough for it to snow...but at this point no snow. I'm definitely happy about that! There's a lot on my mind as of late from morality to theism to school to just life in general. I have a lot of decisions to make right now. Some of those decisions are what do I want to do after I graduate next year and others are how do I find an answer to the existence of God. Honestly, the wide range of questions is great and all, but I never make time to work through them to find answers.

Nice, huh?

Still, that's the point of this blog. Work through my questions, explore my options, and come to a decision. I already know the God question would take a long time. Some closure is necessary but for now I will hold that off. Questions about how best to improve my health are high priority alongside my want to be on top of my finances and moving away from my interest in pornography and masturbation.

As of now, I'm sitting in the dark at the kitchen table. Two of my roommates have left for the three-day weekend, two are gone to who-know-where and my last roommate is just relaxing in his room. None of us are party animals by any stretch of the imagination but we are most certainly not geeks (maybe I am the closest, ha ha!). We enjoy a good time like anyone else but our interests take us far from the party scene.

Thus concludes this rambling post.

Happy!

Summer has faded away in such a way that has left me smiling sincerely and wistfully. It was a fun set of months complete with much questioning, soul-searching, and discovering. I didn't hold a job all throughout the summer, a source of stress and frustration, but I did manage to sort through some of the confusion surrounding the chaos I sent my religious beliefs into. That sorting of thought led me to better understand what exactly I am feeling and what I am truly seeking.

But more on that later.

How do I feel? Intensely curious, joyful, peaceful, optimistic, and energetic. I find so much peace in all that I do. I find this in self-discovery, at work, during school, working on homework, and in my downtime. In everything I do a feeling of peace and joy seems to permeate my life! I don't mean a kind of manic or high intensity but one that leaves me without stress, darkness, or frustration. Sure, I feel down at times. But my recovery has become so quick that I can now admit that I am happy more often that I am sad. That is truly wonderful!

To avoid this whole joy-fest, I'll stop now. But I wanted to post this in further documentation of the change in my life.

Stirrings

I have been delaying this post on my religion because I haven't been quite sure how to write it. But now I feel as though I know how to proceed in this. This heart of mine yearns to find release from the troubles that I have permitted to come upon it. The one major concern that obstructs progress forward, though, is the lack of knowing where or how to proceed. I realize this is due to some of my religious questionings that have gone on as of late in my head.

But even knowing this does not alleviate the stress and the feelings of confusion and loss that fill my soul to the brim in frustration and even bitterness. I become angry for no real rational reason when I hear from the mouths of others just how at peace they are with their faith. In their words I hear the conviction of blind faith and unchallenged beliefs. I believe I pity them but I realize that I envy their simplicity and their ease at living their life without wondering and pondering over their religious opinions. When it comes to religious conversions I take strength and comfort in the stories of Alma and his son as well as of Paul. Knowing that some of the Lord's most valiant and powerful ministers were men who had at one time questioned or even been rebellious against the faith gives me hope and understanding that I am not doing wrong.

I do admit that I have been lazy and inattentive in my efforts to resolve the issues that I have. But I'm trying to change that now in an effort to solve the problems that plague me and leave me reeling in a sense of loss and emptiness. I do so with the hope that I can discover just where my home is: where I belong. At the moment I am still at a loss and even arguably at square one in all of this.

I want to change that.

I have noticed that whenever I speak or write on religion or my religious views that they are inevitably connected with some desire of mine to improve, grow, and become better. Coincidence? More like habit from when I was a teenager. Not so surprising, as well, is the slow enmeshing of my religious views and beliefs with being gay.

Religion is something I value highly and I realize something that touches on all aspects of my life even when I am not actively involved in my church or faith. Something deep within stirs in response to the belief in the divine. It is that stirring that I feel within that has led me to identify that religion and being gay are the two most powerful stresses in my life. They alone dominate and tip the scale of stress that sends me spiraling into depression and feelings of no self-worth (more on that at a later time).

Strange? Well, I believe that I have not adequately considered the question of religion properly in my life. I also have not considered the question of being gay in my life either. So I realize that my first steps towards improvement must lie in that. Then, and only then, when I feel that I have reached steadier ground and my soul isn't drowning in fears of stress and suicidal desires, can I reasonably address the next step in my relationship with God and the feelings that were placed within my mind, heart, soul, and body.