Where I Stand

When choosing to write this, I considered several options: some teasing and some rather bland and probably uninteresting. I can only hope this appears to be interesting to more then just me. Now before I go forward, I believe an introduction is somewhat necessary before this journey even begins.

I have a reason for writing this blog (not that great of a surprise, I would imagine): to better understand who I am. Over the past two years I feel like I have become detached from who I am and become awash in tedious schooling and unhealthy habits. Imagine being put in a cage that is just tall enough to prevent you from standing fully erect and only just so wide as to not allow you to stretch your legs out fully and that is how I feel my life has become.

In some ways I feel trapped and pressed down by stress and the responsibilities that others have placed on me. Much like weeds that slowly strangle the flower from the required nutrients to sustain life. At the same time, others are not to blame for my current situation. To blame others would be a sad and foolish move on my part. Much of my current situation is the result of choices I have made (or avoided making). And now I am living the consequences of past decisions made and therefore, in many cases, have only myself to blame.

But I believe there is an escape: an escape from the labels and the traps I have fallen into; a way to correct past decisions by making proper and right decisions now that benefit me and not harm me. I see a way to escape and to step beyond what I currently am: small and insignificant. I want to become more then that but not necessarily in the form of having fame, power, or money. I just want to be more honest in my expressions.

Yes, honesty.

For I feel I am far from home and that is something no person should experience for long periods of time. I haven't felt like I was truly at home for over four years now; lost and adrift. So this blog serves as the purpose of trying to rediscover who I am and coming out of this rather small and pathetic "me."

Join me on this. Don't join me. I will make the journey regardless but certainly wouldn't say no to bystanders and observers.