Atheism

The appeal of atheism lies in its explanatory powers and in how it reflects upon my thoughts and feelings. I was not always inclined towards atheism as earlier blog posts can attest to. Rather, I was a very devout theist. I do not begrudge that part of my life or think ill upon it. The explanatory power that theism provided in my life was sufficient to carry me through the proverbial storms of life and in attempting to understand myself. But, like other things in life, I outgrew it and found that its system of explanations could no longer provide sufficient information and therefore turned elsewhere to seek out truth.

I wanted to write this as an attempt to establish the foundational views that I have. See, for me, atheism isn't so much a world view as just a conclusion that I accept on one area of life. Atheism, for me, is not some universal theory that answers everything. Rather, it is a theory that considers only the natural world to exist. So onto the foundational views that I now possess.

First, all that occurs in life is the result of and can be explained by some natural law or phenomenon. The sun rises and falls due to the earth's orbit and the seasons are the result of the earth's revolution around our star. The earth is over several billion years old and this can be determined through isotopic dating. Evolution is an empirically verified theory that can be demonstrated in the lab and is observable in nature. This is the vehicle that can explain the much documented fossils of primitive life.

Second, human actions and reactions are the result of complex interactions that can range from one person to a couple to many to millions to even billions. The existence of morals is the result of evolutionary biological factors, history, geography, social forces, and human thought. The Hammurabi Code can be explained partially by evolutionary biology and can also be explained by the social and historical factors at the time.

Third, while humans have obtained an incredible amount of knowledge about the natural world around us in such a short period of time, we still do not know everything and probably know very little about the world and the universe surrounding us. This is especially clear when time and time again the fields of psychology, political science, and other soft science realms cannot consistently and accurately demonstrate theories with the level of accuracy and consistency that the hard sciences are able to do. In other words, the soft sciences that attempt to explain the phenomenon of humans still do not know or understanding us fully. This inability to explain everything is not something to complain about but to rejoice in! Imagine how dreary the world would be if there was no more knowledge to strive for.

Fourth, I see no evidence to conclude even with reasonable certainty that any of the Gods of Mormonism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Shintoism, Paganism, or of the other religions exist. Further, I do not see any reason to conclude that anything supernatural exists. But, I would like to explain further that I do not state that there is no God or some kind of supernatural force in the universe. I acknowledge that such a possibility, however unlikely, may exist. I see no evidence as of yet to consider such a possibility to be probable or even worth investigating or believing in. It is my own personal opinion, or belief, that, as based on the evidence, there is no such thing as a God or gods. I do not define myself as an Agnostic because I conclude that all things have the potential of being explained by science and philosophy. Therefore, I do not consider God to be beyond the realm of explanation. I consider God to be the invention of the human mind and therefore well within the explanatory powers of the sciences and philosophies of humanity. Definitions of God that place it beyond the capacity of science to explain, seek out, or show empirical evidence for is the equivalent of Russell's Teapot and are unnecessary to interact with, in my opinion.

Fifth, I respect the rights of all people to be able to believe or not believe whatever they wish to believe, or not believe, in. I do not begrudge the willing desire of theists to embrace the notion of the supernatural. I only take issue with the desire of theists to impose their belief system, whatever it is they believe in, upon the whole of the populace. I do not see reason to conclude that religion has the right to impose its own strain of morality upon anyone outside of its belief structure. For example, I do not agree with the LDS Church and its network of friendly faiths that successfully passed Proposition 8 in California in 2008 in imposing their view upon society. Now while I realize that Proposition 8 was a complex issue and the motivations behind it vary from person to person and organization to organization and cannot be diluted down to the point that I have just done, I only meant to explain the situation as perceived by myself: the LDS Church sought to put their beliefs in the sanctity of heterosexual marriage at the expense of homosexual marriage.

Sixth, since removing the theistic notions that assisted in the depression that I experienced last year I see the world around me as beautiful and fully of a vitality that I can barely comprehend. This aestheticism of mine has led me to care more about the natural world around me than I have had in the invisible and unknowable realm of the supernatural.

Someday

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I man known" (1 Corinthians 13:11-12). These are verses that follow after Paul's words on charity. It is my hope that the sentiments that he expressed will be the same as those that persecute, harass, and hate people like me. My heart is filled with anger and it is constantly directed at these people that hate me.

But I choose to change my heart now. Why should I waste my energy on people that wish to hate me? No amount of my hatred will change their views. They will still continue to portray gays and lesbians as child molesters or are the products of being molested as children, rapists, abusers, compulsively promiscuous, and are the products of a delusional and warped mind. I will no longer carry hatred toward those that express their insecurities and hatred in acts of violence, terror, and hate-filled words.

We are all humans. I am and so are the ones that express hatred towards people like me. Whether our origin is divine or natural, we are still all related. We are members of the same species and share a common ancestry. We have the power to decide our own destiny. We can overcome misery, suffering, and hatred to achieve a peace that transcends the simplistic view we hold now in defining it as the absence of war.

That is my hope. I have only one last scripture to share (again taken from the Bible), "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee" (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Questions and Drift

It's raining outside. The weather is nearly cold enough for it to snow...but at this point no snow. I'm definitely happy about that! There's a lot on my mind as of late from morality to theism to school to just life in general. I have a lot of decisions to make right now. Some of those decisions are what do I want to do after I graduate next year and others are how do I find an answer to the existence of God. Honestly, the wide range of questions is great and all, but I never make time to work through them to find answers.

Nice, huh?

Still, that's the point of this blog. Work through my questions, explore my options, and come to a decision. I already know the God question would take a long time. Some closure is necessary but for now I will hold that off. Questions about how best to improve my health are high priority alongside my want to be on top of my finances and moving away from my interest in pornography and masturbation.

As of now, I'm sitting in the dark at the kitchen table. Two of my roommates have left for the three-day weekend, two are gone to who-know-where and my last roommate is just relaxing in his room. None of us are party animals by any stretch of the imagination but we are most certainly not geeks (maybe I am the closest, ha ha!). We enjoy a good time like anyone else but our interests take us far from the party scene.

Thus concludes this rambling post.

Respect for Parents

When I was a child and teenager, I walked in both the literal and figurative footsteps of my parents. It times it seemed so easy to do so. I have never been one to defy authority (I may joke and tease but never defy) and that view followed naturally with my relationship with my parents. The only form of rebellion that I displayed towards my parents was in my laziness and apathy. But that is a story for another time. I was in line with parents religiously, politically, and socially. I agreed with them on virtually every level...

Like all things, I have changed since my childhood days. I no longer find solace or truth in the faith that my parents cherish and derive their worldview from. My political views have pulled me towards the opposite side of the spectrum in an area that stands in opposition to my parents' vision of the way things should be in a perfect world. Lastly, my social views have changed to become a strange bending and twisting of beliefs that my parents refuse to accept. Such seemingly chasm-like separation has left us on shaky grounds. There is a sense that this altering of beliefs may somehow fundamentally alter how we see each other and even our very relationship with each other.

Over the past year I have felt a growing sense of resentment towards my parents and all that they hold dear and true. That resentment has taken the form of mockery, sarcasm, and an almost nagging insistence that they acknowledge my views as legitimate. In all this time, I have been performing a self-centered focus on me. Never once have I acknowledged, until now, that my parents are right (or wrong) in their beliefs. I believe that they have earned the right a long time ago to have their opinions respected and to be listened to even if I do not agree with them. More importantly, I must accept the reality that they are human and not perfect just as I am most certainly not. I cannot hold their faults over their heads but must let things go and accept them for who they are. Not only accept, but love them.

They have the right to believe what they believe. That belief is something I must respect no matter how much I may disagree. After all, my disagreeing with their views on things does not justify disrespect, mocking of their beliefs, or ignoring what they have to say. If I wish for them to respect me and treat me like an adult, I must first do the same towards them.

I love my parents and always have. My views on things change nothing about how I feel towards them. But I must certainly give my parents the respect and dignity they have earned. I must put how I feel into actions and deeds.

What Does it Mean to Be Human?

I want to begin again. No, not start over and destroy what I've accomplished, but to come to an understanding of just who I am, what I have become. I have found out where my “home” is. That discovery has meant so much to me. I no longer feel like a stranger in my own skin. I feel like a new creature with eyes open for the first time. My entire concept of who I am has changed. I can't quite explain it in all its entirety because I don't understand it. Now I want to better understand what that means. So I want to explore, essentially, what it means to be human.

That's the direction that I want to go with this blog. I want to come to an understanding of what it means to be human in this day and age with all the circumstances that surround me. I don't want to just let life affect me but I want to understand it and seize upon the chances that are given me. As is no surprise, I don't know where this will take me, but I want to go and give it a try and find out for myself. I hope to make my life a journey of self-discovery and come to an understanding of how the world truly functions.

But first things first, of course! I'm still a student at a school that would prefer for me to not express the core aspects of my being (being gay and exploring the philosophies and arguments of atheism). So, I must define myself accordingly and shield those vulnerable spots from those individuals and institutions that would seek to do harm to me. How am I to do this? Well, I would simply maintain this identity that exists online and keep it hidden from all those know me personally. There may come a time when I will reveal this to them and they can then read all that I have written during my time here. But that is in the distant future.

Understandings

I finally understand something that has eluded me all summer. I now realize that when I search for answers to my question it is not due in part to some yearning for there to be a God (though that does play a certainly important role) but rather a sense of being lost on the storm-tossed waves of the sea. I recognize that I seek guidance and understanding for where I am currently at in my life. I have never allowed such a situation to occur and am, honestly, frightened by it. I feel as though I am staring into certain darkness ahead of me with the glow of the status quo behind me, beckoning to me.

I know where I've been. It had its ups and its downs but the darkness that engulfed my life for more than two years in no way outweighs the sense of goodness that comes from it. Those entries from the darkness in my life can still be read. Go ahead, read them. But I know that where I stand now is brighter, more positive, and more wonderful than anything that existed before. It is like take the sun's light and comparing it to a candle's. No competition.

So, I realize that my yearning is due to the uncertainty that I am facing right now. I don't know what my next step is after college and I fear that I am running out of time to properly figure it out. I am struggling to find answers to my questions concerning theism and organized and unorganized (and even disorganized) religion. I still don't know what I believe. Yet the more I study the more I realize that I just don't believe the words of so many men and women concerning God. I believe they are beautiful and inspiring but no more so than the words of politicians, philosophers, play writers, and authors. I find that the answer to my question seems to lie far beyond where I sit in my comfy apartment and lifestyle (I do not mean to say that I think asceticism is the right path). I still am struggling to decide if my decision to remain at my school was the right decision. Lastly, I am trying to become more comfortable with myself and to constantly improve myself.

Happy!

Summer has faded away in such a way that has left me smiling sincerely and wistfully. It was a fun set of months complete with much questioning, soul-searching, and discovering. I didn't hold a job all throughout the summer, a source of stress and frustration, but I did manage to sort through some of the confusion surrounding the chaos I sent my religious beliefs into. That sorting of thought led me to better understand what exactly I am feeling and what I am truly seeking.

But more on that later.

How do I feel? Intensely curious, joyful, peaceful, optimistic, and energetic. I find so much peace in all that I do. I find this in self-discovery, at work, during school, working on homework, and in my downtime. In everything I do a feeling of peace and joy seems to permeate my life! I don't mean a kind of manic or high intensity but one that leaves me without stress, darkness, or frustration. Sure, I feel down at times. But my recovery has become so quick that I can now admit that I am happy more often that I am sad. That is truly wonderful!

To avoid this whole joy-fest, I'll stop now. But I wanted to post this in further documentation of the change in my life.